How we communicate is a direct reflection of who we are.  How effectively we communicate in different situations will impact whether we will succeed in various aspects of our lives or not.  Do you know your communication style?  Do you know when to adapt your style for different situations?  Today I would like to delve into that and explain why it is vitally important that you know these things. 

According to several top studies on Communication Skills from sources such as Huffington Post, Livestrong, and the American Journal of Small Business, better communicators have better marriages, make more money, have higher self-esteem, have healthier families, are more marketable, are more successful, and develop better leadership skills.  What none of these studies will tell you, is how you communicate can have an eternal impact on people’s lives.  

Today I am going to share with you some insights in different communication styles, share how I’ve used my style to serve others, and give some examples of how we can adapt our style depending on the situation and environment.   I believe that it is important for us to know our own style and that of those we interact with.  If we aren’t being authentic in our style, the people we are talking to will sense it and will not trust what we are saying.  

As in almost everything, if you do any research you will find that there are a variety of opinions on how many communication styles there are and what they are called.  

For the purposes of today’s discussion I am going to use the information I gathered from Toastmasters International’s website for a recent speech I gave to my local club. In their material, there are four categories and titles.  They are Direct, initiating, Analytical, and Supportive.

Someone who uses the Direct Style of communication is decisive, competitive, independent, and confident.  Someone with this style generally likes to be in control of the situation and is focused, results-oriented, ambitious, goal-oriented, and driven.  They often are perceived as strong-willed or demanding and can get impatient when bored.  Progress is typically measured by achievements and successes and to get them motivated, just give them a challenge.  These are the people who are considered to be more concerned about the results than the people and they rarely share their feelings.  They like to be in a fast-paced, structured environment that is efficient and busy.  I’m sure we can all think of someone in our circle who fits this description. 

Someone who uses the Initiating Style of communication is sociable, enthusiastic, energetic, spontaneous, and fun-loving.  Someone with this style often is considered to be gregarious, and they are perceived to talk more than they listen.  They come across as self-assured, innovative, and persuasive.  It is important for this person to feel accepted and they are motivated by relationships.  They crave praise and approval.  They too like a fast-paced environment and can come across as impulsive at times.  They prefer a stimulating, personal, and friendly work environment. 

The person who uses the Analytical Style of communication is precise, exact, analytical, and logical.  This person is systematic, task-oriented, and can be perceived as a perfectionist.  They are also organized, self-reliant, purposeful, and diplomatic.  They are motivated by certainty and will hold back on giving their opinion unless pressed to do so.  They typically are slow-paced, cautious, and like to be in a structured, ordered and functional environment.  They generally hold personal information to themselves and don’t often show their emotions.  This helps them to feel sure of their position and other’s expectations. 

And lastly, the person who uses the Supportive Style is calm, steady, approachable, sincere, and gentle.  This person does not like change and may appear indecisive.  They can come across as careful, patient, and friendly.  Because this person has good listening skills others see them as cooperative, dependable, and loyal.  This person is often modest and prefers to receive praise in private.  They are considered to be patient and slow-paced, and they like a personal relaxed, stress-free environment.  They thrive on close relationships and do not like conflict, but can be good mediators.  

As in most personality type tests, most of us find we have traits from all of the categories.  This test was no exception for me although I clearly had one group that I aligned with most which were Supportive and one I scored very low in, Director.  

Reflecting on my career in housing finance, I can see where I used my Supportive Style to serve the people I interacted with as a peer, a supervisor, a policymaker, and an agent for change.  I tried to listen to the concerns of the people I was engaging with and help find ways to resolve problems and challenges.  I was a mediator in many situations and found my calm manner to be beneficial in conflict situations where emotions often ran high.  

I didn’t think of it back then, but I now realize that I was actively reflecting God’s love in those situations and hopefully people were feeling His presence even if I wasn’t talking about Him directly.  I can’t tell you how many times I would say a prayer before entering into a tough conversation.   In past episodes of Reviving Your Soul, I’ve talked many times about fulfilling our purpose in life.  I believe that how we communicate is the primary way we witness our faith in whatever environment we are placed in.  

Needless to say, as a life coach, listening skills and the ability to get on other’s page is crucial to my success.  I love being able to coach others to achieve a level of calm in their lives, both at work and at home.  God places us where he needs us to be when he needs us to be there.  It’s our calling.  We simply need to use our gifts to serve others wherever that calling leads us.  

As I mentioned earlier, I scored lowest on the Direct Style, however, I can see where I have adapted my style to work with different roles and different situations in my life.  Most of my first 25 years at housing I reported directly to a Type A, Director style Communicator.  As a result, I find that I adapted to that style when the situation called for me to do so.  Looking back, I remember how painful it was for me to learn that her direct, no beating around the bush style, didn’t mean she thought less of me and that it was just who she was.  

One of the things I remember well was she was known for her very direct emails, some of which simply said, “See Me.”  It wasn’t until I took a personality training and learned the different styles did I realize that was just the way she rolled.  As my career advanced and my workdays got busier, I found myself being much more direct when I’d type an email.  In fact, after that training, I often would go back and add salutation after I’ve typed the email to soften the intro a bit.  

I still laugh at myself when I recall my first promotion where I was placed in a position where I needed to supervise people who had until then been my peers.  I don’t remember the exact situation, but I do remember trying to handle it the way my very direct director would.  It was so incongruent for me to do so and felt very inauthentic.  What I learned then, and had to be reminded of many times over throughout my career was that if I wasn’t acting in a manner that was in alignment with who I was, I would get very stressed out.  

What I’ve since learned about confronting others is that when we have to correct or encourage someone, we should pray for courage, skill, and tact.  We should then think through what we will say because how we present our message can be as important as what we say.  The lesson here is we need to be ourselves and stop comparing and striving to be like others and trust that God will help us if we let him.  In fact, if we ask God to help us understand others and see our own flaws more clearly, he will give us the right way to handle a situation and even the words to say. 

A real live example of a time where I should have asked God to help me see my flaws more clearly was when one of our administrative team was leaving the agency.  We were at her going away party and she shared that I can be intimidating to work with. I still remember how stunned I was because I always saw myself as being kind and helpful with people.  Thinking back, I can only assume that her perspective relates to the fact that I was always so busy that I didn’t have time for the niceties, but it was a real eye-opener to realize that people don’t always see me as I see myself.  Which reinforces the importance of communication styles and understanding our own and that of those we work with.  

So, as I’ve just detailed, there are four categories of communication styles and I am primarily a Supportive communicator with qualities of an Initiating, Analytical, and Direct communicator at times. What is your primary communication style?  Can you see how you use your style to accomplish the work that is before you?  I gave some examples of how I have modified my style in situations throughout my career.  Can you see how you might have to do that either at work, in your community, or in your home life?  Do you also see how God will help you with that if you ask him to?  

Earlier, I listed a variety of reasons why communication is so important.  Most were primarily around having success in the work world.  I will advocate that the higher importance is so that people will relate to you and will feel comfortable around you.  It is only then that they will hear when you share your love for Christ, either in word or action.  Why is this important?  Because, as Christians, that is what we are called to do for one, and for two, you may be the only person in that person’s life who will have the courage to live in integrity with your faith and share it with them.  

I get it.  This can be difficult.   I also understand that I have room to improve in this area, but I feel I have ample opportunity to hone those skills as I live out my life in various settings.  I feel blessed that you are willing to join me in this community so you can have encouragement to do the same.  If you need more help figuring out how you can incorporate these ideas into your life, let’s visit.  I would love to help you.  Just go to my website at vonajohnson.com and schedule a time to visit.  

Thank you for joining us today.  I am humbled and honored each time I see that someone has taken the time to read or listen to the words that the Holy Spirit has placed on my heart.  I hope you were blessed in some way and that God will bless you to be a blessing to others.  If you know someone else who might enjoy this message, please share it with them.  I would be so grateful.  If you like what you hear, please subscribe to my newsletter if you haven’t already so you don’t miss a blog post.  If you listen to the podcast and are so inclined, I would love it if you would please leave a comment on iTunes.  

Thank you again and have an amazing week!