I have a two, almost three, year old grandson who loves solving puzzles.  A few weeks ago when he was visiting, I went in search of a puzzle we could do together.  The only one that looked even remotely likely was a small box with a picture of a cat on it.  Unfortunately a small box does not necessary mean its an easy puzzle. Not only were the pieces small, they were all about the same color.  Yeah, it was a little advanced for my little guy, but I thought together we could make it work.

I have to say he did pretty good; there were only a few times he would try to put two pieces together that clearly didn’t fit.  Oh, but he tried.  He’d line them up as best he could and then he’d put his whole body into trying to force the pieces together. But no matter how many grunts, groans, or how much muscle he put into it, they just wouldn’t connect properly.  

It made me think of life.  You know, those times when we try so hard to make something come together the way we want it to, and no matter how we try, no matter how much muscle we put into it, we just can’t make it work.  It occurred to me that this struggle, or effort to try to make something fit that just wasn’t meant to go together can cause us so much strain in our lives.  It’s another one of those storms that we encounter like a steady never-ending rain that we don’t think much about until it has ruined our plans with all the after-effects of soggy belongs, slippery roads, and even mudslides.  

I just had a conversation with a client the other day about a relationship she was in.  It just felt like so much work and she found she wasn’t comfortable letting her guard down to fully be herself.  In that conversation, I shared how I, too, had been in one of those relationships.  For far longer than anyone should be.  In fact, I’d been trying so hard for years on end to make this relationship work, that I didn’t even realize how hard I’d been working at it until I wasn’t forcing it anymore.  As hard as I tried, as many ways I twisted and turned to make myself be the person that I thought the other person wanted me to be, I could never quite get it right.  

Oh, there were days when it felt right and I even felt truly happy for a while, but we always fell back into this routine where I was guessing what I needed to do next to keep him happy.  Fortunately, despite my pleas to God to help the relationship work, it didn’t work and we ended up going our separate ways.  As I mentioned earlier, what I didn’t realize until I later met the man I would marry was how much effort I put into being someone I wasn’t.  It was so freeing when I met my future husband to be able to just be me and know I was loved. 

Whether it is in relationships, our job, finances, or even the communities we join, if we have to work really hard to make it work, it may simply not be the right piece.  Sometimes we want something so bad or we feel we need to do something out of obligation or guilt, that we don’t even realize how wrong a fit it is for us.  Honestly, I wish I had become aware of this concept earlier in my life as there are definitely things I would have done differently.  

I caution you to be careful here and be sure not assume that all struggles in life are a sign we need to end a relationship or get a different job.  It could mean we need to change the way we are perceiving the other person or the work we do.   So how do you know which is which, you ask?  

Great question!  And this is the million-dollar answer I wish I had known about years ago…we simply need to ask.  We need to quit trying so darned hard to force it (whatever it is) to work and find out why it isn’t working.  In fact, I love how Solomon states it in Proverbs 16 verses 1-4,  and then in verse 9.  He says, “We can gather our thoughts, but the Lord gives the right answer.  People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.  Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed. The Lord has made everything for his own purpose…We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our step.”

So I believe we can translate this to mean that we can make plans, but the outcome is in God’s hands.  So why make plans, you ask? Because when we are working to do God’s will, we need to make some effort and then turn it over to his control.  He wants us to use our minds, to seek the advice of others, and to plan.  But in the end, we need to remember that the results are up to him.  Ask for guidance as you plan and then act on your plan as you trust in him. He will show you the way if you are patient and fully trust him.  Before putting a plan into action, we should ask ourselves three things, 1) Is the plan in alignment with God’s truth?  2) Will it work when placed to the test in real life?  3) Do I have the right attitude about this? 

Committing our work to the lord can be a challenge.  Some people only make a superficial commitment where they say they are doing it for the Lord, but in reality, they are doing it for themselves.  Others will turn it over to God, but they will take back control of the situation as soon as it is headed in the direction they had expected it to, or sometimes it doesn’t head in the direction they expect it to and they aren’t comfortable where it’s going.  Still others will commit a task fully to the Lord, but then do not put any effort in on their own behalf.  They then wonder why they do not succeed.  

It is truly a balancing act between trusting God as if everything depended upon him while working as if everything depended on us.  I qualify this statement by adding, without overdoing it.  I actually believe some go too far with long hours of work and leaving little room for God’s power to show itself.   As I said it is a balancing act, but without getting too technical about it, the key is to seek God’s guidance through prayer and in scripture.  The answers truly are all there.  

Another word of caution I would like to give is to be careful about who you are getting advice from.  Somehow many of us have been led to this belief that we cannot possibly know enough to make important decisions for ourselves.  So we ask everyone we know (and hopefully trust), what they think about a big decision we are trying to make.  Sadly, we often do this without regard to how much they know about the situation, or worse, about us and our true God-given potential.  We don’t consider their background in decision making and we don’t consider whether they will answer in a manner that protects their best interest or our own. 

I found this devotion from Shauna Niequist in her book, Savor, very fitting.  First, she quotes Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 which says, “Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you-for you know in your heart that many times you may ourself have cursed them.”  She then goes on to say that Solomon “knew what it’s like to live for the opinion of others, and he knew that its as meaningless as chasing the wind – because it doesn’t last.  What one person loves is what another person hates.  What one person thinks is amazing another person calls total failure.  So you wear yourself out trying to respond and pivot and change yourself according to every little thing anyone says, and you end up so tired and so far from your calling, and so far from satisfied. 

So much of the biblical narrative is about God calling his people away from idolatry, over and over.  And this is one more example.  When you allow other people’s opinions of you to define you, that person becomes an idol, a substitute for God.  God made you, and he defines you.  He calls you, he leads you.  When you let yourself be led and called and defined by the clamoring voices that have something to say about every little thing, you’ll never be satisfied.  You’ll never feel peace.  You’ll never be able to rest.

She goes on to ask, “Whose opinion matters to you?  How do those options stack up against God’s definition of you?  Spend some quiet moments with God, and ask him to center you once again in his love and his calling for your life.”  

Wow, I really love this.  And I believe that because the Holy Spirit lives within us, we can be confident in who we are and the decisions he will lead us to.  What can be scary is, because his job is to lead us to fulfill God’s calling on our lives and to help us lead our best life, sometimes the call he whispers in our ear can be quite scary.  So we forget that he will never call us to something he won’t equip us to do and we don’t trust his guidance.  We take polls to see what others think and frankly, most others are going to give advice that will likely keep you where you are.  So please, if you are in the process of making a big, or several big, decisions in your life, find someone who will hold that beautiful vision you have until you are ready to fully step into that best version of you.  Do not seek out someone who will hold you back or isn’t willing to trust you and know you well enough to know that God has big plans for your life? Or do you seek out people who are willing to see the possibilities?    

Earlier when I mentioned how it doesn’t have to be hard, I want you to be able to make the distinction between hard as in – this isn’t right for you – vs. hard as in you are going to have to make a stretch and do something that makes you uncomfortable but in a good way.  In a really good way.  Like I had no idea God had this planned for me all along, good way.   See the difference?  

So my challenge for you is, the next time you are struggling to do something you are feeling is yours to do.  Do your research.  Pray about it and run it through the three-question test. 1) Is the plan in alignment with God’s truth?  2) Will it work when placed to the test in real life?  3) Do I have the right attitude about this?

If the answer is yes, go for it.  Reach for the dream that God has placed on your heart.  He has something that needs to be done and he chose you to do it.  If you say no, he’ll try again, but eventually he’ll find someone else if you won’t have the courage to go for it.  I call it courageous faith and I trust with all my heart that God will provide all we need, when we need it, to help us fulfill our purpose in life.  

So what are you holding back on?  If you are miserable where you are, it may be time to make a change.  If God is closing a door for you, you can be certain he will open another.  Stay watchful and be ready to take action.  If you need some help with that, it would be my pleasure to see if I might be the best person to guide you through the process.  All it takes is a conversation.  By the end of the hour, we will both know if it’s a good fit or not.  In the meantime, you will discover things about yourself you either never knew or forgot about.  It’s fun and it’s easy and it can be the best hour you’ve invested in yourself in years.  If that sounds enticing, message me or hop over to my website to schedule a call.  I am taking clients for my January programs, and have limited spots available, so schedule your call today. 

If you know someone who needs this message, please share it with them.  They can read it in my blog or listen to my podcast by the same title.  Both can be found at vonajohnson.com.  It may be the best gift you can give them.