The fear of having a miscarriage or losing a child at any age is something that every parent must deal with. The reality of this loss is tragic. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and recently my Life Team held a walk to bring awareness and comfort to parents, family, and friends grieving the loss of a child. Our sincere hope is that the support offered during the walk will have helped to remove the cloud over this topic and further the healing for those whose lives are impacted by such a loss.
As hard as it is to imagine, one in four recognized pregnancies is lost due to miscarriage. As frequent as it is, expectant mothers and fathers are often reluctant to share the news of their impending birth for fear of having to tell of a loss later. This is especially true if they’ve already experienced a loss.
It’s a fine line to walk. Do you share the joy of the pregnancy or do you wait to see if the baby will be viable? If you tell someone early, you may need to share sad news later. If you don’t tell anyone and lose the baby, you have no one to grieve with you. Either way, it can be very lonely and very difficult emotionally. It is hoped that bringing the situation to light will help women and their families deal with their grief and encourage them to get the support they need. It is our hope in bringing awareness to the situation that grieving parents can know it’s ok to celebrate the life of that child and to continue to live their own lives in the joy and peace that God intended for each one of us.
You see, the pain of losing an infant or a pregnancy, or truly anytime in life, is one that can stay with families forever. The difference is that although nearly everyone knows someone who has lost a baby during pregnancy or infancy, as a society, we rarely talk about it. The parents and family are left to grieve in silence. Often all alone. Which is much different than when a child dies after birth. In addition to dealing with their grief, families often also deal with questions and concerns about why the baby died. There can be guilt and shame around the fear that they may have done something to cause the miscarriage. The pain is even worse if one knows that a conscious action they did may have caused the loss of the child.
The truth is until we learn that there is no shame in losing a child before or after birth and can begin to share both the joy and the sorrow surrounding this event in life, we will have people who hurt. As it is with so much of life, we often don’t understand why things happen. In Ecclesiastes 11:5, Solomon says, “Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, it is in these times of grief, especially that we must praise God. Why do you ask? Because praise takes our mind off of our problems and shortcomings and helps us focus on God. He loves us so much that he willingly gave his only son to die for our sins. Even the sin of a bad choice, neglect, or even abortion. As much as we love our children, God loves us even more. He wants us to take comfort in him and to seek him in times of trouble and in joy.
Especially when we are mourning the loss of a loved one. The comfort of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will hold that loved one in heaven one day is priceless and is a gift with a value that exceeds anything we can gain here on earth.
In this week’s podcast, I share two stories of mothers I know whose children have died at a very young age. I carry memories of both with me these many years later and cannot imagine the pain of the loss to the immediate family. The beautiful thing about this is that we don’t have to grieve these losses on our own. As I mentioned earlier, we can worship God and give Him praise. I’ve talked before about how we are to give him thanks not FOR all things, but IN all things. This would certainly be one of those times. And as it says in Romans 8:26, “the Holy Spirit helps in our distress. For we don’t even know what we should pray for, not how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words.”
So, if you or someone you love is grieving the loss of a pregnancy, infant, or child, take comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit is interceding for you. But also take comfort in knowing that there are people who are praying every day for your heart and soul to heal. For you to be able to trust that, as impossible as it may seem, God’s plan is perfect and that everything will be ok again in due time. How long does it take? There is no way of knowing because we are all different and we all grieve differently.
So in the meantime, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to mend your broken heart and don’t play the “what if” game. Talk to people about your pain and let people love you and give you comfort. One day you will find strength is returning and the hurt is beginning to thaw. It is different for everyone, but it is possible to move on. You will never forget your child, but you will be able to rejoice in knowing you will be reunited one day.
If you found some comfort in knowing that there are many out there who can relate to your pain and are eager to help you, please share your story, show your love, and celebrate the life that was, even if for a short time. If you know of someone who might benefit from this message, please share this blog or the related show on Reviving Your Soul with them. It may be an important step in their healing.
God bless you and have an amazing day.
