We all need support in life. Whether we admit it or not, we can not do this thing we call life on our own.  The support we need comes from the people God brings into our lives at various times and in various ways. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re getting it and other times we have to purposefully seek it out.  

Initially, we get pretty much all we need from our parents and family. Then our circle of support extends to friends and teachers.  Along life’s journey, we will get support from church friends and leaders, coaches, co-workers, and even our hairdressers (yep, that is a wink to some of my best support team!).  God has an amazing way of bringing the people we need into our lives when we need them.  Our challenge is to pay attention when we need support and know when the individual is actually helping or hurting us because frankly, not everyone is going to give us the best advice. We get to choose what works for us and what doesn’t.   

I saw a clip on YouTube the other day from a Ted Talk that Bill Gates gave in New York City back in April 2013. In it, he said, “Everyone needs a coach.” He went on to say, “We all need people to give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” I couldn’t agree with him more. 

I’ve received feedback from so many people in my life.  I’m sure you have too. But I’ve begun to notice that some feedback is better than others.  Some are more relevant to my situation and some are more in alignment with who I am.  

I’ve sought out books, mini-courses, seminars, and coaches to help with the various areas I’ve needed help with in the past and have found, depending on the situation, some have been more in alignment with me and my goals and some have certainly been more effective.  I’m the kind of person that wants to know as much as I can about a topic before I’ll try an idea out, but I’ve learned that knowing how to do something and actually doing it are entirely different.  

Which is why we need others to help hold us accountable.  Preferably the person we have to hold us accountable does so in a manner that is encouraging and motivating to us as an individual and not in a manner that makes us feel defeated and discouraged.  Honestly, sometimes we need someone different than our spouse or best friend to help us reach our goals because they may not know how to move us forward or may simply be too close to the situation.  

As I mentioned, I agree with Bill Gates’ comment that everyone needs a coach.  The only thing I would add to his comment is that I think we need different kinds of coaches for different kinds of goals we have in our lives. 

With that in mind, the question becomes how do you know which coach is right for you? It’s sort of complicated, but I’d like to give you my top four things to consider when choosing a coach.  Now, don’t feel like you just have to take my advice on this.  If you do a little bit of research, you’ll find all kinds of people giving their thoughts on why you need a coach and how to decide which one is for you.  This episode is strictly my personal take on it and I’m sure you can find a dozen people in a few minutes who could give you a different perspective, so if this doesn’t ring true to you, by all means, find the one that does.  

First, start with knowing what you are looking for in a coach.  

Obviously, if you are a tennis player and want to up-level your game, you want to hire someone who understands the game of tennis and what is needed to improve your game.  In Bill Gate’s example, simple feedback may be enough.

But then again, it might not be enough.  If you are struggling because you have a deep-seated belief about yourself and your worthiness to be really good at something, the thing that is holding you back may not have anything to do with your abilities.  Rather, it may have more to do with the part of your brain that is preventing you from doing what you need to do to become your best. Believe it or not, it may be that your brain doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of improving your game.  It may actually be trying to protect you from what it perceives to be the outcome of being a champion player. Or even just a pretty good player. 

It sounds crazy, but it is very real.  If you aren’t familiar with this concept, you are probably thinking…” and there she goes, getting all woo woo on me.” But the fact is, this is all very scientific. I’m not going to go into how our brains function here, but if you are interested in learning more about this topic you can google NLP or reach out to me and I can share some resources with you.  

To continue in this vein, if you want to improve your health in some way, you are probably best off to hire a health coach.  Again, you want to be aware of what you really want or need in this situation.  You really need to know yourself well enough to know what will work for you. Some people simply need a few simple guidelines and they are able to successfully change their habits and turn their situation around.  These are the lucky ones who can completely change how they do things by simply knowing what to do and then deciding to do it. Generally, this type of person is pretty rare, and if you are one of them, bravo for you!

For the rest of us, we typically need someone to provide a bit more guidance to help keep us accountable for our actions,  There are thousands of people out there with all kinds of systems and all sorts of levels of support.  You simply need to find the one that is right for you if improving your health is your goal.  I am a health coach and believe it is one of the foundations we all need to have a really great life, but I take a more holistic approach to improving one’s health by starting with what the real problem is. I do this because I’ve learned that most health challenges are a result of some other part of the person’s life being off track.

So to begin this journey, you need to know what you want help with. 

The second thing is to find someone who will stretch you.  

I know that sounds a little scary, but if you hire a coach who isn’t going to push you further than you are willing to go without a coach, why bother?  You got to where you are today by allowing yourself to remain comfortable and all I can say is, how’s that going for you?  If you aren’t where you want to be today, then you need to make a change to get where you want to go. In other words, if you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting the results you have been getting.  

We all need that someone in our lives who helps us stretch out of our comfort zone, but who also is respectful of the fact that you can break if you are stretched too far too fast. That is a risk I believe can happen if we work with a coach who isn’t tuned in to our individual needs.  Some may assume what worked for them will work for you and that isn’t usually the case. 

Like most areas of life, the one size fits all coaching programs are only going to work for a limited number of people, sort of like that one size fits all dress on the rack is really only going to fit a certain number of women.  But don’t lose heart.  There are thousands of coaches in the world and their areas of expertise are as diverse as the people who seek coaching.  

Which is a good thing.  We are all created in God’s image and we are all unique. We each have a different set of skills and abilities and we each were created to fulfill a different purpose.  Until we embrace our own path and stop trying to mimic those who we admire, we will wander aimlessly through life feeling empty and unfulfilled.  

Find that coach who will gently stretch you to have the courage to go after that thing that will fill you with peace and joy in whatever area of your life you feel is lacking.  

The next thing to find a coach you connect with. 

Another way to say this is to decide if you like their vibe.  Honestly, we don’t always need to hire a coach who is just like us, in fact, I believe there are times we shouldn’t.  But there are also situations where we want to avoid investing in someone who makes you cringe every time they speak or someone who you don’t feel you can trust.  

For example, I’ve done consultations with coaches who I love their message and their approach to business, but honestly, every time they opened their mouth, I would literally find myself shutting them out because their voice and their over the top enthusiasm made me want to run the other way.  It really didn’t matter how great their track record is or how much they could potentially help me, I knew I’d never been able to complete the program with them.  

Others, on the other hand, I really liked, but they just didn’t inspire me. Find someone who inspires you and who you feel comfortable working with. 

I realize that my style of relating to others will only appeal to a certain number of people. I’ve had people tell me I need to exhibit more energy and enthusiasm, and honestly, there are a few things I get fired up about, but for the most part, I’m pretty calm and trying to be something I’m not won’t work for me. 

I’ve learned to accept the fact that if my style doesn’t resonate with someone, there are ten other coaches whose style will.  I’m ok with that, and in fact, I’m more than happy to make a referral to one for anyone who doesn’t feel really great about working with me on all levels. 

The coach you work with if you find the right one, will potentially completely change your life and the way you look at life.  If you invest in someone whose outlook is not in alignment with some of your core beliefs, I encourage you to enter that space with caution.  For example, I purposefully market to women of faith. I have spent my entire life determining what faith looks like to me and I’ve found that mine is based solidly in scripture.  Not everyone agrees with that approach.  

I learned this lesson first hand when I invested in a business coach who I found didn’t align with my beliefs before I realized how important that was to me.  Fortunately, although our beliefs didn’t line up, I learned several things through her program that have helped me define my beliefs and my practice around faith.  As it turns out the experience was well worth the time despite some of my misgivings about the individual.  If you, too, find yourself in a situation where things don’t seem to line up perfectly, remember that God can bring good from all things and he will in your situation, too. 

If someone wants to work with me who isn’t really sure what they believe, I am more than happy to work with them.  I can go as deep or stay as shallow in faith conversation as they like, but I won’t change my language to make them more comfortable.  For example, I worship the triune God; the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit who created the universe.  I do not call Him the universe or a power that is greater than I.  He is God. Period. 

There are many coaches in the coaching world that are spiritual, but not Christian.  Many are outstanding coaches and some of them are very good friends of mine.  I respect their position, but I am not going to hire them to coach me on spiritual matters and I am not going to water down what I believe to make them more comfortable.   

You get to decide where your line is drawn and who you want to work with.  Just beware that there are some in the industry that are not only not Christian, they practice methods that are cautioned against in the Bible.  Please enter that place with your eyes wide open and be sure you find someone you connect with. 

The last thing to consider is whether you are ready to hire a coach or not. 

We all have things that we want to change in our lives. But honestly, most of us only talk about change. We aren’t really ready to do something about it. If you are like me, you’ll do the research. You’ll buy a book or a course, but you’ll shy away from investing real money into the problem because you think you can do it on your own. Or because we are afraid it won’t work.  Or in some cases, we’ve been trained to think we aren’t worth the investment.  Or, we’ve made the investment in the past and it didn’t work, so we think we won’t follow through again.  

That is until it gets so painful we can no longer ignore the problem.  Sadly, too many people have given up hope on making changes to get the life they really want.  They figure if they don’t have it already, it will never happen. And they are right unless they are willing to DO something to make it happen.  

From my experience, the reason it didn’t work before is that I either didn’t find a system that I believe in or I didn’t invest my heart and soul into making sure it happened.  I know that with the right support from the right individual along with prayer and following where God leads me, I can make anything happen. What I know now that I didn’t know before is that I never relied on God to help me decide if it was time and if it was the right person or program.  

Until now.  And what is different this time, is he is feeding me exactly what I need as I need it.  I love the coaches I have now and fully believe that I am on the right path.  God led me to this place so that I could live my More and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for that.   

I’ve seen it time and time again, I’ll visit with someone who says they want to change, but they aren’t willing to invest what it takes to make it happen.  They feel the calling on their heart to have a more meaningful life but aren’t sure how or are unwilling to do the work necessary to bring the dream into fruition.  

For me, the saddest story of all is to talk to someone who is miserable in their life. It could be because of a broken relationship, their inability to draw the line so they can make time to do the things they love, or they simply have given up on their dreams. They want change but aren’t certain it will work, so they are afraid to take the first step. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it to my last day, life is too short to live a life that we aren’t meant to live.   

You’ve heard the saying, “no one lies on their death bed with regrets over the things they did, they regret the things they didn’t do.”  What shift do you need to make in life to let go of regrets and be content with your life?

If you have’t let go of it yet, you probably need some support.  

So the fourth step is to be ready.  Are you ready?  If so, who will you ask to help you? 

As I’ve said, it is important to know what you want help with. It’s also important to find someone who will gently stretch you.  Also, make sure it is someone you connect with.  

Thank you for stopping by today. If you feel this is something you are ready to learn more about, be very mindful of the choices you make.  You are here for a reason.  What is that reason?  Even if it isn’t time to hire a coach, what rang true to you in this message?  What small step do you need to make today to get you on the path to living Your More? 

I hope you will share this message with someone you think could use the encouragement today.  I can’t tell you how much it means to me that God has placed me here to help you on your journey in some small way.  If you need more support and aren’t sure where to start, I’m glad to help in any way I can, but it’s up to you to take the first step and reach out.  It’s easy.  Simply click this link. I look forward to hearing from you.  

Thank you again for your time. Now go, be blessed, and live your more!