We were getting acquainted with the driver of the minivan as our small group pulled up to the nondescript building in the sweltering heat of the capital of Alabama. We were all so intent on the conversation about the heat that I didn’t even pay attention to the name of the little brewery we were entering. But after we’d made our selection from the list of craft beers, I began to notice the quaint little space we had entered.  It was my kind of place, rustic brick walls, industrial tables, certainly not fancy, but not a dive bar either. Then I noticed the swag on a shelf on the wall. T-shirts, beer glasses, hats, all with the logo, Common Bond, on them.  I liked that too.

It’s something we don’t think about much anymore.  The common bond.  Our society has become so polarized lately that we’re trained to look at the differences between us before we look for the common bond, don’t we?  Whether it’s something as volatile as religion or politics or as simple as hair or clothing style, we seem to zero in on our differences rather than seeking our common bond.  

Before I go further, I do want to warn you that some of the topics I am going to cover today may stir up conversations you may not be ready to have with children, so I encourage you to use discretion if you are listening in a space where children may be listening. (I know you are actually reading this, but felt the warning was still appropriate.)  

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I would be attending my 40-year high school reunion.  We had several opportunities to gather and each one was a great place to reconnect with old friends. I loved catching up with where people have landed and what they are doing with their lives, but I loved, even more, getting to know people I’d never gotten or, more likely, taken, the time to get to know before.  You see, back in the day, I wasn’t confident enough in myself to initiate a conversation with someone to find out what we had in common.  If they didn’t start the conversation, it wasn’t going to happen.

Fortunately, I’ve gotten over myself through the years, and love that I’ve learned a few basic questions one needs to ask to find something in common with people.  There is always something if you try to find it. At this stage in life, it was pretty easy to find that common bond with my former classmates.  Although we all have separate lives in different parts of the country, we will always have our years of school time together and somehow the stories of our adventures were richer after all these years.  Everyone truly has shed the need to pretend to be something we aren’t and we were simply just us. Older and grayer, yes, but really the same crazy kids who lived with such intensity all those years ago.  

As much as I hated to, I had to pull away from the reunion with my old friends before it was over to venture off to Alabama for a conference with my husband. As I reconnected with folks I’d met in recent years, I also met new people I’d not encountered before. It was fun to meet the wives of many of the other attendees for the first time and find those things we have in common.  I especially enjoyed a beautiful young woman who was originally from Romania.  I was enthralled to listen to her thick accent as she shared her very different take on so many things we had in common. Age and nationality differences had little bearing on our time together as we bonded over learning the history and culture of the area. 

One of the most compelling exhibits I attended was the interpretive center for the Selma to Montgomery Freedom March.  Although I remembered studying it in my history books, it really didn’t come to life for me until I watched the videos and listened to the stories in the voices of the people who experienced it first hand.  The violence and brutality of the law enforcement trying to stop the marches were horrifying, yet I couldn’t help but be inspired by the conviction and determination of those people who stood up for what they believed against all odds.  

The conditions that they overcame to bring attention to their plight would have deterred many from continuing on, but their ability to stay committed to what they believed in made me want to cheer. That the numbers at the beginning of the march swelled from approximately 3,000 in Selma to 25,000 as they marched on the capital 4 days later in Montgomery, was a true testament to the bond that was created over that one issue of equality.

I find it unfathomable that those battles had to be fought and, indeed, are still being fought on so many fronts.  When will we ever be able to lay all the differences we have, and I agree there are many, aside and come tougher with the common bond that we are all human?  We are all created by God, and we all have the right to be treated with kindness and respect. No matter whether we see eye to eye on personal responsibility, regardless of whose granddaddy did what to whose grandpa, or what someone may or may not have done, we should be able to agree that everyone deserves to be treated humanely and with dignity.

A dear friend and I have been having an ongoing conversation about the gay rights movement and how we, as Christians, should respond.  She recently brought to my attention the fact that some Christian women have called out Bible Study Leader and Author, Beth Moore, for not speaking out against the LGBTQ community.  I wasn’t aware of the situation so I tried to do some research on it.  I found it ironic that a few short years ago, the LGBTQ community were speaking out against Beth for her comments that they felt betrayed them. It seems she can’t win and my heart goes out to her as a long time student of hers and as someone who knows the lines aren’t exactly clear. 

I’ll be honest with you. This is a topic I struggle with on a regular basis.  I’ve become very good friends with a woman whose teenage son has recently declared his preference for others of the same sex. We haven’t discussed it at length, and I’m not even sure I’ve said that properly. I do know that he is an extremely bright young man and has so much going for him. I admire and respect my friend because she has embraced his lifestyle and is quickly becoming an expert across continents in support of the LGBTQ community.  I struggle because though I care for her very much, in this instance she stands for something that I believe with all my soul is a sin. 

Does that mean I should walk away from our friendship?  Does that mean I should try to convince her how wrong she is and how she needs to change her life and that of her child? I don’t think so.  If it did mean that, I would have to terminate every relationship with every person I know, because, you see, we are all sinners.  And we all fall short of the glory of God.  If we all picked our friends based on whether they sin or not, she wouldn’t choose me, either.  

Does that mean that I am out attending rallies with her and boosting her business online? No, I am not.  But I do talk to her regularly and I do support her personally because I love her and I want her to feel loved and accepted by someone who loves Jesus and doesn’t pass judgment on her or her son.  I pray that she sees the love of Christ through me. I pray that maybe in some small way she will be inspired to fall in love with Him and His truth the way that I have. 

You see, she and I have a common bond. She has a son who is gay and I have a brother who is gay.  In fact, some of my most favorite people in this world are gay.  And it is none of my business what they do in the privacy of their lives, just like it is none of their business what I do in the privacy of my life.  

I am called to love the people God brings into my life. Unconditionally.  Do I love my friend who had an abortion any less for that decision? No. Do I love my coworker who gossips about others any less? No. Do I despise that couple that is living together outside of marriage? No.  I could go on for hours, but I think you get the point.  

The bottom line is, even if my friend and I didn’t have the bond of having someone in our lives who is gay, we’d have so many other things in common.  In fact, that is not what brought us together in the first place. We are both health coaches. We are both passionate about sharing our stories and helping others live their best lives.  We both love the beach and traveling to beautiful places in the world.  We are mothers and wives and daughters and sisters.  We can talk for hours about life and the world we live in and never discuss the topic of sexual orientation.  And I really think that is how it should be until and unless both parties are interested and willing to have that conversation. 

I don’t force my beliefs on her and she doesn’t force her beliefs on me.  I would never consider shouting obscenities to her, her son, or anyone who doesn’t agree with my beliefs and I would never consider it my place to stop them from living their lives the way they see fit. If I don’t like it, I can leave.  I can stop corresponding with her and even stop attending events where she might be. I can truly only control what I do, not what anyone else does. 

And, like I think it was wrong for the law enforcement who used violence to try and stop the freedom marches back in 1965, I think it is wrong for people to use violence to stop the people marching in the gay rights parades today.  I don’t agree with the parades and I don’t believe that is the way to change the way the world looks at the issue, but it isn’t my call and, as I said earlier, I don’t believe violence or angry words are ever the way to change someone’s heart on an issue.  I agree with another good friend who said it so well, we can never bully someone into finding Christ.  

We can only change the way someone thinks, believes, or acts by coming together, finding the common bond between us, and then seeking to understand one another from a place of love and from a space of mutual respect and trust.  That takes time, patience, and a lot of grace.  We must forgive one another for our mistakes, our past hurts, and come together with an understanding that we are all a combination of the lives we’ve lived up to that point in time.  We can influence others to see things our way, but only when we take the time to build a relationship.  That is what Jesus did and I believe that is what he is calling us to do.  

Build relationships. 

Build trust.  

Seek to love and understand. 

This week, as we celebrate America’s 243rd birthday, let’s remember what brings us all together.  Our heritage as a free people.  Free to worship where we want.  Free to pursue a career that makes us happy and feel fulfilled. Free to live where we want.  Each of those freedoms come at a cost and responsibility.  Our common bond is that we all have the inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  That doesn’t mean it will be handed to us on a platter.  We have to work hard for the things we want to enjoy in life, and I for one, am grateful for the opportunities I have to reach for the things I long for in this life.  I get to choose what I do with my day, how I spend my limited resource of time, and so do you. 

I get to choose how I respond to the people who God brings onto my path every day. I can choose to treat them with dignity and respect, or I can treat them as though they are unworthy.  Even when I don’t agree with the choices they make, I respect their right to make it so long as it doesn’t endanger another human being (including unborn babies), they don’t take something that doesn’t belong to them, or they don’t expect me to pay their way when they are capable of paying their own way.   

So remember as you stand in the checkout line to buy your hot dogs and apple pie for your celebrations this week, that you are no more entitled to what you believe than the person standing next to you in line. This county was founded on our right to worship and believe what we chose to worship and believe. Not everyone will agree with you, but you don’t have to focus on those things that divide, but rather, focus on the things that bring you together.  Those things that are the common bond between you.

I want to thank you for reading this blog post today.  It means a lot that you stopped by. Your time is valuable, and that you would choose to spend even this few minutes with me means so much.  If you liked what you read, please share this message with others in your life.  

Let’s all be the voice for treating others with dignity and respect.  For searching for the common bond.  For living the life God called us to live.  

If this is something you find yourself wishing you could do, but struggle to do so consistently, let’s visit.  I’d love to help you let go of those things that are holding you from being all that you were created to be. 

Have an amazing week, enjoy your 4th of July celebrations, and if you are reading this after the celebrations are over, please keep the spirit of freedom and love going by always seeking the common bond. 

Go, be blessed and live your More!