We’ve been trained to avoid the tough conversations in life, haven’t we?  It seems that it’s been getting worse for those of us who speak out about Christ.  We are being ridiculed for our beliefs on a much larger scale than ever before.  And in reality, we are more than relieved to step back and let those whose voices are louder and angrier take the center stage, aren’t we? Let’s face it, it can be frightening to speak up in today’s culture.

Whether it is at work, in the home, in our communities, or somewhere else, the message we receive from mainstream society gets further from the truth of scripture each day. Somehow what used to be considered deviant behavior has become the norm.  And what is considered a sin in the Bible has become more acceptable across the board. 

So, even though I just said in this podcast a week ago, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” I’m going to ask your permission to modify that position just a little.   I’ve been thinking about that comment a lot since then and I think it is time to say somethings that some will think are not nice. 

Not that we want to be hurtful, but there are times when we do need to say things that are difficult to say.  They will be received as not being nice, but we need to stop shying away from saying what someone needs to hear for fear of how they will take it.  If we don’t say it out of love, they may never get the opportunity to correct their behavior. And they become isolated because people begin to avoid them because of that behavior.  And that.  Isn’t.  Nice.  

Brene Brown says it beautifully in her book Dare to Lead, “Feeding people half-truths or bullshit (her word, not mine) to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind.  Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind.  Talking about people rather than to them is unkind.”

Last week in my Facebook Live series I mentioned that there are times when we need to approach our coworkers when they are doing something wrong.  I know that this idea can be met with a lot of resistance, but truly even though a supervisor may be the right person to handle personnel problems, the message can be received so much easier by a peer.  

When I lead my team during my career, I often encouraged team members who would come to me with a problem to approach their peers with the problem instead of having me deal with it.  Not because I was afraid to address the problem, but because the individual would feel less threatened being approached by a co-worker instead of a supervisor.  To me, it was less about the chain of command than acting in empathy and kindness. 

There are other times when group think prevails over common sense.  Just because everyone is doing something doesn’t make it right.  As hard as it can be to do, sometimes we as team members need to speak up and call a spade a spade. We can all think of examples where people cross the line of ethics or company policy for their own benefit, but people look the other way because they’ve either done it themselves or don’t want to get involved. 

As a supervisor, I knew it was my job to monitor my team and guide them to make good decisions. I sincerely tried to engaged in a conversation about problems when they came to my attention.  But the problem was, I simply did not have the time to monitor every action of all the people on my team all the time. I trusted my team and I fully expected them to act in integrity. In fact, I can think of very few times when they fell short of that expectation.  But no one is perfect and I know there were times when policies weren’t followed. There were also times when I needed to rely on others to point out when things didn’t add up or appear to be as they should be. 

We’d have conversations about it at evaluation time and I met some resistance from some really great team members who were completely opposed to the idea of helping hold others accountable.  I wasn’t asking them to tell on their friends, I was asking them to help steer them in the right direction. They weren’t comfortable talking to others about their behaviors. I understand the, “not my job mentality,” but what if they could reframe that?  What if instead of feeling like they were overstepping their boundaries, they could look at it as though they were showing their coworker their blind side? To actually encourage them to be better?  To improve a behavior that once they knew about it, could correct it and make their interaction more ethical and appropriate? Wouldn’t that be more loving and kind than letting them continue to make a mistake and possibly lose their job?  I know I would want to know if someone thought my actions were less than appropriate.  And I’d much rather hear it from a friend than my boss.  

There are other situations where we are challenged to speak up in the workplace when it feels uncomfortable.  For example, there are times when we need to speak out and support the person who no one likes.  You know, the person who is always negative, who never joins in on activities, or who says things that make your hair stand up on the back of your neck.  As hard as it can be, we need to stop people from talking about them behind their backs.  Remember what Brene Brown says about talking to people instead of about them? That really applies here. 

I believe we need to encourage people to approach the person with the problem at hand instead of talking to everyone else about how difficult they are. Primarily because it is never appropriate to talk behind someone’s back and secondly, we never really know someone’s story until we get to know them.  They may be struggling with self-esteem issues, or have a serious illness, or have a really horrible home life. Wouldn’t knowing that change the way you view their interactions?  It would mine.  

But let’s face it.  Some of those situations simply are none of our business.  So what if we give people the benefit of the doubt and just assume there is something going on and give them extra support?  Can you imagine how that could change their whole outlook on life and their ability to interact with the people in their workplace?  So give it a try sometime and see if you don’t start appreciating the other person more, even if they don’t change a thing.   

All of this discussion reminds me of an exercise we did at a recent event I attended. We were partnered up in groups of three, each giving our explanation of who we are and what we stand for.  Our partners were then to help us come up with our new name, our alter ego.  You know, like Superman to Clark Kent.  After giving my pitch, my partners settled on Peaceful Warrior for me.  At first, it felt uncomfortable, but as I tried it on in different settings it started to resonate.  A lot.  I have to say that it seemed silly to me at first, but I do find myself coming back to that identity, my superpower if you will, time and time again.  Peaceful Warrior has a nice ring.  

Today, I am here to encourage all of you to borrow that identity.  At least on occasion.  In a world where everyone feels empowered to force their perspective on others in virtually all settings, I feel those of us who typically hold back our thoughts need to find ways to become peaceful warriors more often.  Although society spends a lot of time encouraging schools to stop bullying, I find that almost every venue in life has at least a couple of bullies these days.  Those of us who are inclined to hold back need to find our voice and speak up against this negative behavior.  We need to find our courage, become peaceful warriors, and speak out in favor of kindness.  And forgiveness.  And acceptance.  Even when we don’t agree with someone’s position or core beliefs about life, we can still be kind, forgiving, and accepting of the person, can’t we?  Jesus did, so maybe we can try to emulate his behavior more.    

I talked about this in episode #37, For a Time Such as This, where I addressed the current trend where our country is embracing full-term abortions as the horrific act that it is.  I encouraged listeners to speak out against such atrocities. 

Although we are in the series, the top 7 Mistakes Christians Make at Work, and the workplace really isn’t the place to have that conversation, I encourage you to be on the lookout for opportunities to make it known that you are willing to have those difficult conversations in a calm, peaceful manner if they are interested adjourning it to a different setting.  We need to stop hiding and shying away from talking about what we know is true.  Not in a harsh, “I know it all manner,” but in a down to earth, “let’s discuss this reasonably” manner.  

In my free poster, 7 Mistakes Christians Make at Work, I talk about sharing our faith.  This can also be tricky in the workplace.  We need to be really careful to not use company time trying to convert someone to your faith, but instead, as I mentioned the week before last, if you live out your faith, people will be drawn to you and will want to know more.  You will be given subtle opportunities to share or invite and you won’t have to become that person that everyone wants to avoid.  

The whole point here is if we are in tune with God in prayer, if we are in scripture, and are walking in his will, he will give us opportunities to say and do the right thing.  In fact, according to Luke 12:12, “The Holy Spirit will give you the words to say at the moment when you need them.”  We simply need to trust him to know that he will give us the opportunity and the words and not worry about the rest.  

The key is to do all of this peacefully and with tact and grace.  Don’t be the rules jerk or the policy nazi, but rather, gently point out areas that can be improved and offer encouragement and support.  Even when someone is upset, it is important to keep your cool and respond in a calm manner.  Angry words are never appropriate, especially in the workplace, and if you find yourself getting upset and emotional, it is time to remove yourself from the situation until you can speak about the issue calmly.  

I hope this encourages you to rethink how you view challenges in the workplace and inspires you to speak out when you see a wrong.  Whether you speak directly to the person or take it to someone higher up, it is important to stop improper behavior before it gets out of hand. It truly could be a cry for help and you might be the one to give the individual the opportunity for a whole new life.  

Thank you for listening today.  I appreciate your time.  If this struck a chord with you and you’d like to have a conversation about how you can make changes in your life, please reach out.  I’d love to visit with you about how trusting God and living in integrity can truly revive your soul.  I’d love to help you become a peaceful warrior too. 

To learn more, stop over at vonajohnson.com.  

Thanks and have an amazing week!